Happiness is ..

When I was pregnant with my two children, I was happy and elated.

I imagine what kind of people I would like my children to be and I would lead the path for them. I want my children to be compassionate towards other beings indifferently, intellectual, full of inquiring mind and wise. I would protect them so much from all the things that I thought would stain their innocent mind.

But, along the way, situation changes, I am somewhat no longer so much in control to lead them. I would get angry and sad that my children were taught differently from what I envisioned them to be. This leads to my unhappiness, sufferings because I fear so much for them.

When I relate the unhappiness to the others, they would be unhappy and suffering, too. It results in them transferring the unhappiness and sufferings back to me so I get the double-edged swords.

I think this is the example of Master Shantideva’s Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life:

The total amount of happiness

That exists in the world has come from

Wanting to make others happy.

The total amount of suffering

That exists in the world has come from

Wanting to make yourself happy. (8.129)

I wanted to make myself happy by getting others to follow what I think would be good for my children. I am creating my own sufferings.

So, after much considerations, I could only set aside my sufferings and focus on other's happiness. Let me dwell on my sufferings on my own. Just like Dondrub Rinpoche said, you can only relate your unhappiness to Buddha. In the end, everyone's happiness is the most important.

Things are impermanent and one day, everything would fall into the right place.

About my children's future, as a mother, I can only pray that the Three Jewels would grant their blessings to lead them to the right path and protect them from the harmed, hindrances and obstacles along their path lifetime after lifetime until they are liberated and enlightened.

I hope everyone is happy and I would be happy, too.

I love you, Russell and Isabelle. May your good karma lead you to the correct path.