A grateful message

Thank you for everything. Now, I know why my EP was delayed. =)))

Happiness is ..

When I was pregnant with my two children, I was happy and elated.

I imagine what kind of people I would like my children to be and I would lead the path for them. I want my children to be compassionate towards other beings indifferently, intellectual, full of inquiring mind and wise. I would protect them so much from all the things that I thought would stain their innocent mind.

But, along the way, situation changes, I am somewhat no longer so much in control to lead them. I would get angry and sad that my children were taught differently from what I envisioned them to be. This leads to my unhappiness, sufferings because I fear so much for them.

When I relate the unhappiness to the others, they would be unhappy and suffering, too. It results in them transferring the unhappiness and sufferings back to me so I get the double-edged swords.

I think this is the example of Master Shantideva’s Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life:

The total amount of happiness

That exists in the world has come from

Wanting to make others happy.

The total amount of suffering

That exists in the world has come from

Wanting to make yourself happy. (8.129)

I wanted to make myself happy by getting others to follow what I think would be good for my children. I am creating my own sufferings.

So, after much considerations, I could only set aside my sufferings and focus on other's happiness. Let me dwell on my sufferings on my own. Just like Dondrub Rinpoche said, you can only relate your unhappiness to Buddha. In the end, everyone's happiness is the most important.

Things are impermanent and one day, everything would fall into the right place.

About my children's future, as a mother, I can only pray that the Three Jewels would grant their blessings to lead them to the right path and protect them from the harmed, hindrances and obstacles along their path lifetime after lifetime until they are liberated and enlightened.

I hope everyone is happy and I would be happy, too.

I love you, Russell and Isabelle. May your good karma lead you to the correct path.

Ride: $2, Happiness: Priceless

One fine day, we went to a nearby shopping centre to have a ride on Thomas train cart around the centre.


Russell and I went for the ride while hubby and Isabelle waited for us at the stopping station.


While we were enjoying our ride, Isabelle enjoyed her own ride:







See how happy she was! It was her first merry-go-round ride. It costed hubby only $2 but the smiles on her face was PRICELESS!!!

Please do create your own story out of the pictures :D

The Dinosaurus

Attempted picture of Dino and some aliens by the boy

25 Random Facts About Me!

All of us must have been doing this meme in Facebook so I thought I just want to post what I did on mine ..

1. I was born in Indonesia, had lived in Singapore alone for 12 years since age 15 and now living back with parents in Melbourne since 2006. If I can turn back time, I prefer not staying alone, by myself.

2. I have two lovely children, Russell and Isabelle, whom I rejoiced their becoming of human beings which means that they have more chances to learn and practice Dharma.

3. I named Russell after my favourite Tenor: Russell Watson and coincidentally it was the name that Jordan had also chosen!

4. I am currently studying Bachelor of Business majoring in Banking and Finance and minor in Econometrics. I used to hate statistics but after I did my Business Statistics in Uni, I changed my mind about statistics and loving it since.

5. The reason for me to study Banking and Finance because I want to be financially literate and I want to help people to be financially literate, too. Don't get me wrong. I don't worship materialism but I view money as a tool for us to survive in this world and as such we must manage our money properly, be able to live comfortably and still can help people who are less fortunate.

6. I set up my first business in Singapore when I was 24. I distributed advertising materials from Belgium.

7. My second business was dealing with car battery recycling and commodities trading. Both are man-dominated industries and I had ever been told by a successful male trader to go home, get married and stay in the kitchen!!!

8. I learned Buddhism since primary school. Lost interest during secondary school because the teaching was too hard for me to fathom and the fact that being a Buddhist at that time was not the trend! After years of sidetracking, soul searching, analysing, doubting, demanding for answers, I went back to be a Buddhist, Tibetan Buddhist in particular, because the teaching suits me well and it answered alllll my questions.

9. I follow Gelugpa school of Tibetan Buddhist and my parents follow Kagyu school. I had the blessings of learning both methods although I am supposed to choose one. I love all the gurus I met from both schools and rejoice that all are of sublime quality.

10. After becoming a Tibetan Buddhist, I became clear of which direction in life that I choose. My life and work has since been dedicated towards the benefit of others to be liberated from the samsaric delusion.

11. All thanks to Gaden Shartse Drophenling for helping to find myself :-)

12. Ok, the bad side of me. I used to have a mad, obsessive boyfriend who made me traumatised until now. It's hard to forgive him after what he had done to me, no matter how good I am as a Buddhist. However, I guess because of him I learned how not to be bullied by people and stand by your principles.

13. I still can't believe that one of ex boyfriends died of overdose, another in rehabs according to my friend.

13. My hubby is 2 years younger than me, breaking my rule to not have any boyfriend who is not at least 2 years older than me. It's great being an older partner, actually .. huehehehhee ...

14. He and I used to date in secondary school but parted our ways after I went back to Jakarta and didn't receive any replies to all the letters I wrote to him. We only got back together 8 years later after I texted all my contacts of my new number.

15. I am allergic to seafoods but I love to eat seafood!!!

16. I have a phobia: green frog. I can shiver uncontrollably when I look at it. Urgh, the eyes, the slimy body, the feet ...

17. My favourite song is Nella Fantasia by Russell Watson

18. I am not a sport person. I used to play tennis and golf obsessively but sucked at both, I always rank the last during our swimming or running test in secondary school. Maybe the only sport that I am good at is leisure cycling

19. I play organ at an advanced level and piano at a beginner level.

20. I still can't forgive my hubby for doing nothing for my 30th birthday eventhough he bought me a bouquet of flowers ... after I voiced out my disappointment. Hmph ..

21. I only started drinking coffee after I had my second child. Before that, I would get high on coffee and started to slur

22. My favourite chocolate is Lindt.

23. I played World of Warcraft and have a level 80 Shaman named Taurey.

24. I had mild post-natal depression after Isabelle was born which made my GPA went down from 3.50 to 3.13! I only managed to get it back to 3.17 so far .. sigh ..

25. I am done!

Reminiscing Our Time in Singapore

We had great time in Singapore.

A total of 3 months time.

The longest we had since we have moved to Australia.

Well, I had 4 months holidays and my hubby decided to quit his job before he got 'retrenched' and before he started his studies again.

We had fun and good time. The kids had fabulous time.

And, the best thing was that we had grown stronger as a family, setting aside our differences.

Differences that, if not being taken care of properly, will easily keep us apart.

I had great time with my friends, too, although I was quite sad that I didn't get to meet some.

For those whom I didn't get to meet, our friendship will always stay in my heart.

And, I am working towards the day when we can be together again ;p

That is the most important thing.

And for those whom I met, I really had marvelous time with you guys.

We ate, talked, updated each other with stories that amused us (although may not be that amusing .. ahhaa), celebrated my 30th birthday, christmas day, Chinese New Year day, and be merry ...

One of the highlights was meeting up with HE Lati Rinpoche, my root guru, and formally requested Him to be my and my two children's root guru. And, out of compassion and Bodhicitta, He said, YES! Happieeee .....!

Another highlight was the surprised visit (well only 2-3 weeks notice) from my lovely cousin and her family from Jakarta!!! At the end of our trip!!!

It was really very nice of her to choose to come to Singapore to celebrate her birthday with her family and my family although we did it one day before because on her birthday, I had to fly back to Melbourne.

Though those were short meetings, we treasured every moment we were together and just be happy with each other.

And the partings were difficult, each didn't bear to let go, because we didn't know when we will see each other again, other than meeting in Facebook or webcam!

I love you, Pat, Chris, Ariel and Abby!

I also love all my cousins, aunts and uncles in Jakarta! We will visit you soon! I promise!

Well, now let's see some memories we left in Singapore ....

My family and my cousin's family sans Russell!

Pyjamas party!

Girl's Power!

My two lovely nieces. Aunt Ting loves you!

Abby is amazed by something on the bed.

Yeah! Our Christmas presents!

Mahjong, anyone?

A surprised 'birthday' steamboat dinner! Love you, girls!

Beautiful flower from beautiful people.

CNY dinner with secondary school mates

Our first night in Singapore ..

Russell trying to act cute!

Isabelle adjusting to the heat and humidity

Russell's first fish, which died the next day of overeating :(

"Look, I am up in the air!"

"I can do this for the whole day ... Wheeeeeeee ......"

The Brave Girl!

Our first trip to zoo as a family!

"Am I cute, am I cute?"

"Eek, I am naked!"

"I can see you through the hole"

Russell 'doing the Karen Cheng'

Caught in the act: Isabelle ransacking my bag. Tsk, tsk ..

Isabelle checking out WOLTK. Heh.

Having breakfast together.

Having milk together.

Preparing for Sleeping in Singapore

Good memories lasted forever!

Till then!

Our Day

Today is our anniversary day.

We didn't have anything fancy in mind, just a short stroll at Parkway Parade and a nice little dinner by the beach.

So, hubby got his mum, bro and sis-in-law to help looking after the two kids for us.

Was a little worried that the kids, especially Isabelle, would look for us when we were not there but it turned out that they had a blast.

My hubby's aunt brought all of them to a bowling alley and had fun. And when we were back home, the kids were having fun, too, with their granma, aunt and uncle.

So much for worrying .. hahaa ..

As for the dinner, we had prawn noodles, sambal stingray and BBQ chicken wings. Ha!

But, the night was spoiled by bumping into an ex who I wished I had never encountered in my life ever.

BLEAH!

Happy Anniversary Day, Hubby Pooh!

I can see that our relationship is blossoming each year and will keep on blossoming and not withered until the end of our lives.

/hugs hubby
/kisses hubby

Happy Chinese New Year 2009!

May your new year be filled with abundance of good health, wisdom and prosperity!

I am going to be busy! Ha! Like I am never busy .. ;p

Healing Anger

I have a lot of anger inside me.

I do.

I recognise it as the cause of my unhappiness since late 2007, just before Isabelle was born to be exact.

There were a lot of changes around me. Lotssa of them.

And after I gave birth to her, I was tired, exhausted from all the sleepless nights.

I had no time to heal myself and it accumulated, accumulated each time I was feeling down.

Until I was frustrated and angry with just everything on earth.

It was a very bad feeling, pulling me down further and preventing me from doing productive stuff.

Nevertheless, I have more time to myself now to think through, recognise the suffering, the cause of the suffering, the end of the suffering and the path leading to the end of the suffering ..

So, I grabbed a book on Healing Anger by Dalai Lama with high ambition to finish the book in a few days time. Haha.

I haven't read the book but I guess there will a lot of Dharma talks about impermanence, non-attachment, etc, some maybe familiar that I have heard it again and again.

But, you see, we have to keep on reminding ourselves over and over again about Dharma and to practice it in our daily life because our modern and hectic environment made us so easy to forget about it.

Well, one of my new year resolutions is to take control of myself again.

Healing my anger is one way to do it.